Halloween Party....Fuck It...it is ME time NOW!

So Halloween is over. It was fun. The kids party was a success. I think around 20 kids showed up. Thankfully it was nice outside and they spent most of the time outside. But, with 3 different sets of ages (4th, 6th, and 8th graders), obviously there is some tension....lots of showing off...and minor arguments. All that were taken care of.

Leading up to the party...was crazy. Over a month of crafting. WAY more spent than I had planned. Almost $200 alone in food. I was awake for 2.5 days leading up to the party...and surprisingly felt fine. I was VERY grateful for both Stefani and Janelle for helping me pull this off. They both showed up early to help get the last minute things set up.

Stefani was able to help fix my chili and made it DELISH!  She also made the deviled eggs that the kids devoured. But besides the food, she made the skirt for my Halloween costume. After realizing how expensive it was to actually MAKE the skirt...she found one on clearance for $6...and it was perfect! Adding a little lace and some sewing...it worked out. While she sewed up my skirt...her almost 2 year old daughter painted my toes. Not just my toe nails...but the actual toes too...lol.

Janelle helped not only by sending me craft ideas, but helping me into my costume after the kids party was done...and helping set up the "nicer" crafts for the adult party. She also talked me through the alcohol store...what to buy...and how to leave (I was lost inside).

However...no one showed up to the adult party. Not a one! I had 10 people either tell me the day before or THAT day, that they will be there...but nope. Not a soul besides Janelle and I. I was pissed. The one time I decide to have a party...go all out...spend more than I can afford...take vacation time...miss out on spending a weekend night with my kids...all for what? Gin rummy and half a movie with my best friend? Very glad I didn't waste an hour trying to put the finishing touches on my costume and make up on. Considering by 10pm I was changed into PJ's to watch a movie.

I love Janelle. LOVE HER! She has been my best friend since 7th grade. She knows me better than I know myself...and I can count on her for everything! However...I can spend time with her for free....lol. And with having expectations of people coming over and hanging out...and nothing happening...is depressing. So Fuck It!

I have been "off" Facebook for 2 months and 3 days. In that time...unless I sent a FB message...I received....none. I downloaded the messenger app, because some people I wanted to stay in touch with...and they didn't text. And I realized that I do almost everything I do...for others. So for Halloween...I wanted to do it for me! I wanted to be able to show off what I love to do...crafting. For once...I wanted it about me....but again it didn't happen...so Fuck It again!

I know who my true friend(s) are. I know there were ones that wanted to come, but couldn't...and I understand that. That day did not work for everyone. But still...I was pretty disappointed.  Between logging off of Facebook and a failed party....I'm done trying. I'm done with drama...and putting others first (besides my kids). You want help? Help yourself...if that isn't enough....ask someone else. I am no longer bending over backwards to help others that don't return the favor.

But even though the adult party didn't turn out....the kids had fun. Janelle and I had fun. BUT next time...Janelle and I will just have "our" time with our glue guns and the alcohol that I bought and we didn't use. Great times....and that is all that counts.

I have realized that I seem to make bad decisions when I'm in a bad/grumpy/pissy mood. Usually I just crawl into bed/bath and watch a movie or TV series on Netflixs...and just veg out. But not always. Sometimes I make that phone call....or send that text message...that I regret later. Sometimes I just don't give a damn anymore...and I only think of me...selfish I know...but Fuck It.

So until these bad decisions catch up with me....Fuck It. My favorite saying is, "Don't regret something that once made you smile"....and this weekend...I will be smiling...just saying! And who knows...maybe I will be able to wear my costume at least one more time.